Pushing play at 39 seems much harder


Some days I look at myself and I am utterly baffled. I look at myself and I think, “Really, Julia? Seriously? What is wrong with you?” Sometimes I just marvel at my oddity

Some days I look at myself and I am utterly baffled. I look at myself and I think, “Really, Julia? Seriously? What is wrong with you?” Sometimes I just marvel at my oddity

I know, I know — I’m not the only special snowflake in the world. The people right here at the VCNB prove that out. We are all just a little touched in the head to be in this industry.

And I know “normal” is relative, but honestly … I just don’t get me and my issues. You would think I’d have a grasp on them but no, not really.

For instance, by the time you read this I will be another year older. I will be 39. Just typing that makes me twitch a little. And it isn’t that I’m “older” or that I think of 39 as particularly old.

I just don’t like the number. It gives me a mild case of the creeps. Really. For the most part, I don’t give my age much thought. I mean, I was excited about the usual milestones — hooray, I’m a teenager; yeah, I can drive; woot, I can vote; watch out world, I can drink and hey, look my insurance premiums went down!

Good stuff, good times. But the 39 … gah. Maybe it’s because when you divide it by three, you get 13 and frankly, 13 was a horrible time. I think 13 was horrible for everyone, unless you were a Kennedy or something. Awkward, bumbling, emotional 13 — not pretty.

And it’s not because I’m closer to 40. I’m kind of excited about 40. Not sure why, but it makes me smile.

Does this year bother me because I feel like I haven’t achieved the correct level of adultness? Maybe. I have taken several grown-up steps in the last few years, but I do still wonder what I’m going to do when I grow up.

Another thing that bothers me about me, is what seems to be my weird obsession with making watch lists on various streaming services. I have Netflix and as an Amazon Prime member, I now have access to that streaming library.

The ability to watch movies and TV shows on demand, at your house is the best thing ever, right?

You can browse these services and make lists of things you want to watch later. Sometimes I go in looking for something specific, while other times I like to see what the predictive algorithms make of my viewing habits.

My kids watch a lot of family-friendly stuff. But mix that with my penchant for violent anime, sci-fi, thrillers, documentaries and Jason Statham flicks and you can almost see the algorithms freaking out.

So I have these lists that can only be called eclectic — “Heathers,” “Brigadoon,” “Helvetica” and “Malice in Wonderland.” Some, I’ve seen. They are old friends and much loved. Others I’ve wanted to see forever, while others just looked interesting.

I have been compiling my Netflix list since I started the service eight years ago. And I still have things on that list I’ve never watched. Out of the 166 entries, I have watched pitifully few.

I take great joy is wasting endless hours browsing the new additions, what’s recommended for me, adding them to my instant queue list and then … not watching them.

I know, right? What is that all about? I can watch televised marathons of “Law & Order: SVU” for days, but I feel this sharp pang of guilt if I settle in to watch episode after episode of “Xena: Warrior Princess.”

You could argue that one show has great character development and interesting plot twists while the other is a perfect example of a hackneyed trope run amok, but let’s not bash Dick Wolf too much.

I don’t get it. I look at these lists, knowing I will enjoy most every one of them. And if I don’t, then it gets booted off the list and I can move on to something else. But pushing play is so hard.

I know I probably have more quirks and issues than these two, but for some reason they are weighing heavily on my mind.

If anyone has any insight, help a girl out would you?

-- Email the author at jdendinger@news-bulletin.com.