The many faces of compassion

Compassion gets a bad rap. Or at least, I think, the word “compassion” seems to.

We don’t often hear it in the negative headlines of the day, but, in the reactions and responses to those headlines, we’re constantly being told that we need to show compassion for others and that the world needs more compassion, etc.

The word “compassion” literally means to “suffer with.” It is derived from the Latin words “com” (with) and “pati” (suffer). Think about that. If you had a choice to suffer with another person or animal or not suffer, you’d probably choose not to!

That’s understandable. I mean, who wants to suffer more than they already do in their own lives? Research studies have actually shown that our capacity for compassion and empathy (i.e. walking in another’s shoes) actually decreases when we ourselves are suffering physically, mentally or emotionally. In other words, the more we’re hurting, the less willing we are to take on another’s pain.

In that frame of mind we can become resistant to the very idea of caring about another’s pain, and sometimes even downright resentful toward those telling us that we should.

There’s a phenomenon called semantic bleaching that happens when words are overused to the point that they lose their intensity or emotional charge. They become banal and meaningless and are much easier to ignore or cast off.

Has the word “compassion” fallen victim to this phenomenon? Maybe.

What if we looked at compassion through a broader lens — one that wouldn’t require us to suffer? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.

In college, I used to do this experiment where I’d go somewhere like a coffee shop or laundromat, and notice someone in a bad mood or looking like they’d just lost their best friend. I’d casually say something to them, like compliment them on their clothes or make a funny remark about something, and then wait and see how they responded.

Did their face change? Did they smile or laugh? Did they seem a little less sad or painful afterward? Most of the time, they did.

Were those acts of compassion? You could say so. I like to think of it as a pay-it-forward act of compassion, meant to either prevent or diminish suffering. Who knows, maybe I shifted the trajectory of that person’s day and the people they interacted with later, because, as we know, everything we do has a ripple effect. Indeed, we may never know the full extent of our actions, but that doesn’t diminish the importance of what we’ve done. Those moments also made me feel good — and I didn’t have to “suffer” one bit doing it. In fact it was fun!

In the animal welfare system, advocates are always encouraging us to “spay and neuter” (a phrase likely to have become another victim of semantic bleaching).

Is spay or neuter an act of compassion? You bet it is! To begin with, it can relieve pets of the raging hormones that can cause disease, create agitation and discomfort, and cause behaviors that are challenging for them and for you such as increased aggression, “mounting” or running away and getting injured or killed.

It can relieve stress for those overseeing municipal and non-profit budgets that are stretched to the limit caring for homeless animals. It greatly reduces the suffering of those working in rescues and shelters who must euthanize animals due to overpopulation, and it prevents the future suffering of animals yet unborn who, due to those same overpopulation issues, may end up in harm’s way.

So, how many levels does that one act cover? At least five — and again it doesn’t require any suffering on our part (except maybe in our wallets). Compassion can also show up in the things we choose not to do — like tailgating, for example, which create stress for the person in front of us and may put us in danger of having an accident.

In the end, compassion doesn’t need to be a burden. The well-known concept of thinking ahead “seven generations” is a powerful act of compassion in itself; one that, again, doesn’t require us to suffer, but to be aware of our relationship to the rest of the world.

That’s the “with” in compassion that, I believe outweighs, the need to “suffer.” Just be kind, and patient and mindful — and don’t forget to pass those good intentions on to yourself as well.

Thanks for reading. Be well.

(Colleen Dougherty is a writer, educator, artist and behavioral health therapist. She has worked and volunteered in animal welfare for more than 20 years, and has spoken at several animal welfare conferences. She holds degrees in art and counseling therapy, and graduate certificates in eco-psychology and humane education. Her passion is fostering joyful and respectful relationships between animals, humans and the earth. She’s been writing Paw it Forward since 2016.)